Reel Life

From my silence the last few days, one may assume I’ve been very busy. Somewhat.

I’m finally getting over the mountain and out of the wilderness, making the transition out of the hotel world and into the nonprofit sector, something I’ve been wanting and trying to do, well, since I got into the hotel world. Last week, I began officially at both of my new jobs and managed to work over 40 hours at the Marriott. So yes, I was busy.

But, since Friday, I’ve kind of just sat around all weekend. Lynnette and I finally finished decorating our bedroom and our guestroom, both of which have been a year in the making. I also had time to watch two very water-based movies, “The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou,” and “Shark Tale.” It was not planned that both movies for the weekend would involve underwater capers, but it also wasn’t planned that the message of each movie was “Be yourself” – an important message to learn whether you’re five or whether it comes from the mind of Wes Anderson.

The message in "Shark Tale" is easy to get: a down and out fish, Oscar, thinks he needs to be rich and famous to be ‘somebody,’ when all along he was ‘somebody’ to someone by being himself. He learns through mishaps and narrow escapes the folly of his lie that builds himself up to be something he is not. In the end, he, and a vegetarian shark, realize it is best to be yourself, because being yourself is the best ‘somebody’ you can be.

“The Life Aquatic” takes the viewer on a quirky Tenenbaum-esque adventure through the world of deep sea diving and marine exploration. Steve Zissou, the leader of a once famous and now dilapidated diving team and documentary making empire is in search of the shark that killed his best friend. Wanting so desperately to be liked and famous, he will stop at nothing to be the boss and stay on top. But, in the end, he is captivated by beauty – the beauty of nature and the beauty of being yourself. By finding the nemesis shark, he finds himself.

How often it is that we hang our hopes, dreams and reputations on forces external to us. We think that if we can get that promotion, win that lottery, buy that car, or own that new toy that we will be well liked, famous, and memorable. If we can get picked first, if we can win the race, or if we can just make a little more money, it will all be worth it - we will have arrived and staked our claim in the history books. Sadly, in the above situations, our identity is not tied up in who we really are, but in what we can do so others will think better of us. Such a mindset is selfish and lonely.

Now that I have finally arrived at a place where I want to be professionally, it is easy for me to tie up my happiness, my well being and my namesake in what I do. While I enjoy helping people and want to use my life as a tool to better others’, I cannot stick my hopes and dreams for Sam Davidson on a resume line or a paycheck. Only by living life with integrity, by living and loving freely, can I step into my true identity. Whether that has me developing youth leaders at one place or cleaning hotel rooms at another should make little difference.

But, unlike a movie, everything in life can’t get wrapped up nicely in 90 minutes, followed by a credit roll and special features. All that follows our 90 minutes is 90 more, and 90 more, and so on. And the lessons learned in one hour and a half session don’t usually carry over to the next. Thus we are faced with the challenge of living with the outtakes. We invariably will mess up trying to be ourselves. We will not get it right every time. We will lie, we will pose, we will put on costumes and make up stories. And we will try so hard to act the part – the part that says we’re comfortable, we’re happy, we’re better than you, and we love it all. But we will also know that we’re acting the part, and that eventually, the makeup has to come off.

If I am to have any comfort for this journey of ‘realism’ in my life, I have to rely on the life of Jesus. When I read of his journeys in the gospels, of the almost superhuman power we had not to heal diseases, but to heal hearts and minds, I see a man who was to the bitter end his very self. Destined by God to be none other than himself, he showed everyone that the way out of the petty game we play with ourselves was not to win. It was to lose. To be so utterly transparent and honest with yourself and everyone else that you wouldn’t fit the mold. It wouldn’t get you invited to cocktail parties and it wouldn’t get you elected president, but it sure would be a load off and it sure would let you sleep easier at night. No more lies, no more acting, no more performing. Just time to start living.